What started out as a status update on Facebook has now turned into a blog post …
I’m feeling rather bleak today. I went from feeling rather green yesterday after a Sunday afternoon of overindulging in lovely pastries and cakes during an afternoon tea session with some girl friends, to being somewhat blue / bleak today. Maybe our deal in life is not to have a family of our own. I’m tired (yes tired and somewhat grumpy) of well meaning people saying “Don’t worry it’ll just happen when you least expect it. You just need to relax.” or “You’re trying too hard. Just let it happen.”. Maybe I need a loud-hailer to yell “WITHOUT A UTERUS, WITHOUT LOADS OF GOOD EGGS, NOTHING WILL ‘JUST FUCKING HAPPEN’!”. Shagging like bunnies was taken off the table the day my patchwork uterus popped like a balloon, suitable egg donors don’t just fall out of trees, surrogate mothers aren’t exactly popping out of the woodwork saying ‘pick me!’ and NO our family (if ever we have one at this rate) won’t just miraculously appear out of thin air. We have to make it happen with whatever means and legal ways are available to us.
So here we are. Our potential surrogate mother turned out to be shady and a fraudulent crook = no surrogate mother. Our new egg donor can’t hang around forever and she’s available in March / April – we either use her or lose her to someone else. It’s a cut and dry business deal – no frills, no freebies, no ‘specials’. Eggs for cash in March – take it or leave it. Our intention was to do fresh embryo transfer, but without a surrogate mother and a good but hasty egg donor wanting to cash out her egg pension over the Easter holidays, we have to do the next best thing. We are going to have to freeze any viable embryos. Frozen embryo transfer has a much lower success rate, as we know from experience, but we don’t exactly have a huge number of options right now.
So therein lies my bleakness today.