IVF IV Part 1.0 … Busy bee

Whilst I’ve stayed away from the forks, I’ve been feeling kind of strange … a little anxious for lack of a better description and I’m not entirely sure why. The results from my blood test last week came back to announce that I had apparently not ovulated. As I was only scheduled to see the Doc on Monday this week for a scan, a series of phone calls backwards and forwards resulted in some changes to my scheduled meds. It disturbed me that I hadn’t ovulated though. The thoughts that ran through my head were endless … Is the “factory” out of eggs? … Has my body failed me yet again? Have the remains of my plumbing fallen apart? Following an angst filled weekend, the Doc kindly and rather patiently explained that unless I am a machine, there will be times when I won’t ovulate. It happens … to all of us … women that is :-) . Quite honestly I had no idea. The scan on Monday looked promising though 4 maybe 5 follicles on the left side and the lazy right side apparently nothing … but that’s hardly surprising. After being given 2 jabs, a revised sheet of meds instructions and an adjusted pack I went home feeling somewhat relieved and enlightened.

Then yesterday we received some bad news that will negatively affect the horse riding community in the area where we live. It is one of the last pockets in Cape Town that is still rural enough to be viable for a horse riding community, yet we have now lost our only dressage and jump training area available to us to a dishonerable property development firm. Perhaps the imminent outcome of the court case, the injustice of the ruling and what long term effect it will have has compounded my overall feeling of unease.

I guess my unease really stems from not knowing when … or even if … we will be successful in our hope / dream for a family, compounded by the uncertainties surrounding other aspects of our life. In the meantime …

My aim with this round is to keep myself occupied … very occupied … so as to avoid feeling like I’m being emotionally consumed from the inside out … IVF will do that to you … or that everybody else’s life is simply passing me by and leaving me behind whilst my own life is seemingly on endless pause. Thankfully good progress with my new business venture is being made, now that after months of searching, we have finally found a group of graphic designers that are actually creative, professional and worth their weight in gold … albeit in the UK. So the project is once again moving forward which will now keep me distracted, along with the stable yard and alteration plans for our house which I would ideally like to start this spring … but that really all depends on what the quotes reveal and of course … ahem …. what the budget looks like.

In the meantime I’m eternally grateful for our crazy pet family who keep me consistently grounded, vaguely sane and make me have a really good giggle with their daily antics, despite the hormones raging through my system … and of course LH who’s my pillar of strength, a source of never ending inspiration and who is pausing alongside me in our journey together.

It will all be so worth it in the end …

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